Unspoken words
by imgonnariverdance
Summary: Set after season 8. When Metatron cut out Cas's grace, it hurts Cas's vocal cords. Cas becomes unable to speak and it is hard for him to explain it to Dean, Sam and the others. When Dean finds Cas again, he doesn't know how to feel, but he feels like he can't trust Cas, and Cas doesn't know what to do about it. Based on a tumblr fic prompt.
1. Chapter 1

One day, two days, three days passed since the fall of the angels.  
Dean sits in his room by the phone for one more night. Where is he? He thought things were just starting to get better. Kevin found out how to help Sam get better and they have been able to keep Crowley in that state of being half human. They had plenty of questions to ask Cas about the angels and what happened to them and where they all were. But the most important question Dean needed to ask Cas if he was okay.  
Cas hasn't used his phone in a long time ever since the apocalypse ended but Dean knows he kept it safe though as he caught Cas playing with it a while back. He deleted Cas's number back then but he knows it deep down in his heart. He could recite it in his sleep. Now he is constantly praying to Cas and calling his phone. Hoping to get a reply. But nothing, Dean got nothing, he worries it is a rerun of past events, of how Cas is avoiding him on purpose.  
He prays more and more frequently and he leaves so many voicemails that the inbox says it is full.  
Dean is worried, no angry, "why would I be worried about that son of a bitch", he thought, "all he ever did was run away and hide everything away from me. I deserve to be angry at him."  
No matter how much Dean tried to tell himself otherwise, he knew he was losing sleep over this, he knows he is sitting in the living room all night hoping Cas would be at the door when he wakes up. He sits by his phone and sometimes hold it close to his heart, and when it rings he answers it excitedly thinking it's Cas and getting disappointed and frustrated when it's not.  
He tries to hide it from Sam, who he knows is trying his best to get better as soon as possible for Dean. Dean goes to check in on everyone each night and watches over everyone each night also worrying that if he lets his guard down everyone else will be injured.  
He remembers the time he was in purgatory and how he woke up to the smell of Cas and his deep blue eyes locked on him protectively. He remembers waking up to a trenchcoat laid over him or how he pretended to be asleep just so he could 'accidentally' move closer to Cas in the night.  
These memories were keeping him up at night, he woke up early at about 2am on the forth morning, realizing that a blanket had been thrown on him the previous night. His eyes lit up and he started shouting "Cas ? Cas?" . but that was when Sam walked into the living room with a disappointed look on his face.  
Sam looked a whole lot better, he was recovering, and dean knows that he should be bursting with happiness right now that his little brother was in the track of getting better but he was not in the mood. He could not help but feel he was missing something, someone.  
"Dean, I'm sorry, Cas isn't back".  
Dean's eyes dimmed down and he tried to break eye contact from Sam but Sam refused to let this one go.  
"Dean, you do know it's ok to feel upset over Cas not being here right? You don't have to hide everything away. I understand Cas is special and if you need to talk I'm right-"  
"Stop it Sammy!" talk about what my freaking girl feelings? Huh I don't need to talk to you about anything, I'm not upset, it's just … That son of a bitch owes us so many answers and I need to find him. Just because of that. You should get some more rest I'm going out for a drive!" Dean yelled before grabbing a coat and the keys of the impala and slamming the door behind him.  
He could hear Sam's exhausted sigh and he shouting "Dean no!" but he didn't care, he needed a ride in his baby to get his head in place.  
Sam knew how much dean missed Cas, he saw how Dean acted normally in front of him or Kevin, but when Dean thought he was alone, he overheard Dean praying and he saw him holding his phone waiting for a call that never came. "Dean you dumbass", Sam thought but shook it off as he decided to go check on Crowley and Kevin before going back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting in the car, Dean slammed the door as hard as he could before starting the engine and blasting rock music as loud as his speakers could go. He tried to blast out all the thoughts he was having. "Sam is wrong, I'm not upset Cas isn't here" Dean thought as he pressed down harder on the accelerate step.  
He checked the meter, 135km, Dean thought "maybe I should slow down" since he was reaching going downhill soon.  
However just when he looked up he saw a deer right on the road and without hesitation Dean swerved his car to the side at full strength and ended up on a different unfamiliar road to the woods. "Dammit!" Dean screamed banging his fist onto the steering wheel. He decided to focus on the road since it was dark and he just had a near death experience.  
He was driving carefully when he spotted a limp figure at the side. He knew that figure, that familiar trenchcoat. Immediately he stepped on the brakes to as far as it would go.  
"Cas?!" Dean thought out loud.  
He got out of the car and in the dim light, he slowly made his way towards the lifeless figure.  
When he was closer, he could make out the details of the persons face, "Cas! You dumb son of a bitch!" Dean yelled out in fear and anguish before running towards Cas as fast as he could.  
He bent down to pull Cas up into a sitting position.  
He felt Cas's skin. It was cold, too cold. Dean started to panic, no no no no no Cas can't be dead.  
Dean looked for a sign of life, anything, and then he felt it, a heartbeat, a very weak one, but it was a sign that Cas was alive.

He gave Cas a quick and tight hug before carefully placing one hand behind Cas's back and one behind his knees before lifting Cas off the ground. He jogged back carefully to the impala, heart beating faster and faster as he was worrying that Cas might die anytime. He placed Cas gently in the back seat and buckled him up before running his fingers through Cas's hair and whispering "you'll be alright, I promise" into Cas's ear.  
He then got into his seat and started to drive.  
Back to the bat cave, he thought , Sam would know what to do.


	3. Chapter 3

As Dean drove, he started to shiver, he tried to focus and keep his eyes on the road but could not help but to look back to check on Cas every now and then.  
He muttered to himself almost like he was praying "Come on Cas you gotta be alright".  
He could feel tears on the brim of falling down but wiped them away before speeding up to get back faster.  
When he pulled up at the batcave , he opened the backdoor and gently lifted Cas up again, still very cold, Dean thought.  
Dean held Cas close and ran toward to door, he banged hard and shouted for Sam, within a minute a sleepy Sam opened the door and Dean immediately pushed Sam away to lay Cas down.  
Sam's eyes widened and he snapped out of his sleepy state instantly.  
Dean went to one of the empty rooms they had and laid Cas down. He shouted for Sam to boil some water and Sam did so without asking questions.  
An angry dean was not to be trifled with.  
Dean held Cas's hand and started to rub it to generate warmth. He also took out blankets and towels to wrap Cas up in them.  
Dean was worried that Cas was still cold. He couldn't lose Cas, not again.  
He started to fear that Cas's grace had a problem that affected his healing. Little did he know that Cas wasn't an angel anymore.  
Sam came in running with a warm water bag in his hand, he passed it to Dean who placed it on Cas's stomach.  
Dean went to get more warm water and a small towel. He then used the towel to warm the rest of Cas's body up.  
Sam watched silently at the side. He never saw Dean so gentle and concerned in helping someone else before, and in that moment, he knew how important Cas was to his brother.  
When Dean finally felt Cas was getting better, he pulled Sam out to the living room for to talk.  
"Dean what the heck, where did you go? You left for about an hour and returned with an injured Cas" Sam questioned.  
"You're asking me? I was driving past the woods when I found that lucky son of a bitch half dead".  
" But why didn't he just poof himself better or you know back here?" Sam wondered.  
"Beats me", Dean exclaimed. "Could it be that he has some problem healing or some shit?"  
"I guess we will have to wait to find out by asking him" Sam said frowning hard.  
Dean could tell Sam was really tired and no doubt Sam would be as it was only 4pm and Sam be should resting, so even though Dean was exhausted he decided to tell Sam to go back to sleep while he watched over Cas.  
"Go back to sleep Sammy, I'll look over Cas for now" Dean said trying to sound like he is forced to do it, not wanting to seem concerned for Cas.  
"You sure? You look tired" Sam asked concerned.  
"Yeah well I'll survive" Dean replied, now with a smirk on his face.  
Sam nodded and said "Just yell if you need anything' before returning to his room.  
Dean went back into the room Cas was in and smiled a little as he finally felt safe.  
His angel was back here he thought.  
But then a thought struck him, what if Cas was the one who caused the chaos of the angels falling, how was he going to forgive Cas? No. What matters now is that Cas gets better he thought, though that idea scared him a little, he decided to push away the thoughts for now and place his attention on the injured Cas.


End file.
